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College can be a time for students to explore their independence, cultivate their own identities and figure out what they want to do with their lives. As we support our students through these transitions, we may find ourselves having important (and sometimes challenging) conversations with our students. These conversations often become more challenging and stressful when the stakes are high, opinions don’t align and emotions are elevated.Ìý

Here are some tips you can use to effectively navigate important conversations with your student.Ìý

1. Plan aheadÌý

Somtimes you may need to initiate a difficult conversation with your student. When this is the case, preparing in advance can help keep the conversation on track. Planning ahead also assures that you’re able to hear your student’s perspective and share your own views more effectively.Ìý

Take some time to consider these questions:Ìý

• What do you hope to accomplish from this conversation?Ìý
• What would an ideal outcome look like for you?Ìý
• How might this conversation impact your relationship with your student?Ìý
• How will you know when it’s time to take a break?Ìý
• What assumptions are you making about your student or how they will respond during this conversation?Ìý
• How will you move forward with your student if the ultimate outcome is different from what you want or the issue still feels unresolved?Ìý
• Are you open to hearing opinions that may differ from your own?Ìý

Before entering into a potentially stressful conversation, it’s important to do a check-in with yourself. Reflect on what you’re expecting and how realistic your expectations may be. This can help you prepare yourself emotionally, especially if things don’t go to plan.Ìý

If you’re not the one to initiate the conversation, it’s important to still take some time to check in with yourself to pull your thoughts together before engaging with your student. If they’re open to it, ask them for a general sense of what the topic of the conversation is going to be. Ask them if you can take some time to sit with it before picking a time to start the conversation. This can help you feel more prepared, and the conversation won’t catch you off guard.Ìý

2. Be mindful of time and placeÌý

Starting a tough conversation can be difficult, and you may not know how to broach the subject. You can help set yourself and your student up for success by:Ìý

• Giving your student a heads up about what you want to talk about and allowing them time to reflect before coming together.Ìý
• Sharing what you hope will come of the conversation.Ìý
• Finding a time that works best for both of you.Ìý
• Choosing a quiet space that is free from distractions.Ìý

Keep in mind that approaching your student with difficult subjects can sometimes catch them off guard or increase their anxiety before you have a chance to sit down with them. Try to remind your student that this is just a conversation, and you’re here to work with them through whatever the issue may be.Ìý

3. Use the EARS methodÌý

Having fiercely different opinions or positions on certain topics can be a catalyst for conflict, especially when there are misunderstandings. Keep in mind that conflict is normal and it isn’t always a bad thing. However, midigating and working through potential conflicts can depend greatly on how we approach the conversation. That’s why it’s important to practice healthy communication skills by using the EARS method.Ìý

Here’s how it works:Ìý

4. Take breaks as neededÌý

While we’d rather avoid it, some conversations can become heated or escalate more than we’d like. When this happens, it’s more likely that we (or our student) will say something we will regret later.ÌýÌý

If you feel like a conversation is turning into an argument, consider taking a break. Let your student know that you want to avoid escalating conflict and ask them if you can return to the conversation after everyone has taken some time to cool off. This could mean that you go for a short walk, have a snack or get a good night’s sleep before restarting the conversation.Ìý

Keep in mind that it’s important not to stonewall your student. Stonewalling behaviors can include giving your student the silent treatment when they behave in ways you don’t approve of, failing to acknowledge or apologize for hurtful things you may have said during your discussion and not providing your student with an opportunity to express their own emotions and perspective. When we avoid conflict in this way, it can harm our relationship with our students, and they may be less willing to reengage with us in the future.

Ìý5. Reflect and follow upÌý

While it would be ideal, change doesn’t happen overnight. Conversations don’t always resolve the way we’d like them to, and more often than not, seeing progress will require more than one conversation and a willingness to keep trying. If things feel unresolved, let your student know you appreciate their willingness to talk with you and you’d like to follow up with them again in the future. Try to give them and yourself some time and space to decompress before approaching them again to discuss.Ìý

If things feel like they are resolving more quickly, it’s important to share your appreciation and gratitude for your student. Let them know that you value their input and willingness to navigate tough situations with you.Ìý

This can also be an opportunity to reiterate your support for your student. Let them know that you are here for them and available for ongoing support if they need it.

6. Make a referralÌý

If you’re concerned about your student, you don’t have to try and support them on your own. There are a number of resources available on campus to help.Ìý